How can this be?

[Judy]

It's been a while since my last post but things have been really crazy and hectic lately (holidays, my son's first birthday party, commitments at work). But I have great news.

I feel great!!!! As much as I hate to admit, life has improved tremendously since I began taking my antidepressants. Now that my mind is clear and I'm not thinking on an emotionally charged plane, I can see that I should have asked for help a long time ago! Hindsight is 20/20, eh? I no longer feel overwhelmed all day, every day. I no longer feel hostility towards everyone around me. I no longer want to run away. I no longer think my world is a miserable place. I'm no longer eating myself out of house and home!!! I feel peaceful and able to cope. I feel in control again. I feel wonderful.

I began counselling this week and have learned that my depression manifested itself as anger. It wasn't that everyone around me was a total idiot (or so I thought) but that I have been suffering from post-partum depression throughout the last year and, quite possibly, depression for several years.

Between my counsellor and I, we came up with a soup metaphor to help me explain myself to my family. See, my life as of late has been like a pot of soup on the stove. My mind is the pot and all the things in my life are the ingredients in the broth. Having my children and developing post-partum depression was an ingredient that added too much spice to the soup. All the little "things" in my life that were added on a daily basis (lack of sleep, demanding children, too much housework, the need to be supermom, the stresses on my marriage, the lack of money, etc.) raised the temperature under the pot until one day the soup boiled over. By not acknowledging my depression I was allowing the soup to continue boiling over. I was ignoring the pot and pretending the soup was just fine...simmering away gently and quietly.

Now, my counsellor has assigned homework tasks in small, manageable chunks. My first task is to return to my regular workouts at the gym at least three days a week. My second task is to get out this weekend for dinner with my husband...alone...no kids. The idea behind this homework is to get that break from the kids (going to work everyday doesn't count) and reconnect with ME. To, for a few hours, remember what it's like to be Judy and not just Mom.

So, my husband and I have plans to go out for dinner and maybe we'll see if we can get a movie in too! Oh, and he's already told me I'm not allowed to give any excuses for not going to the gym this weekend. If need be, hubby has stated he will throw me out the front door with gym bag in hand a lock it behind me.

I'll let you all know how my weekend goes.

[Judy]

Thank you for your kind words and support. I feel so much better and look forward to continuing on this path for many years to come.

[Cassandra]

Wow, your therapist sounds fantastic! What a great metaphor (though I would posit that sleep deprivation and having a new baby and taking care of a household with no money are by no means "little things"; they're things you may be able to handle when you're feeling well and not when you're depressed, certainly, but they are by no means little!).

I'm so glad you have so much support to help you conquer this. Support is absolutely instrumental. Congratulations on feeling better in such a short time -- Hope it continues!