Are you a Feminist struggling to make sense of domestic life?

A Little Bit of the Blues

This morning I went to three different job interviews. (I live abroad and before I had babies, I always taught English to foreign learners.) This is my first time really looking for part-time work since becoming a mom in 2002. Well, I have to confess, I felt pretty sad, very blue most of the day, and that's when I realized just how powerful this "attachment parenting" really is. Because it doesn't just imply that your kids are attached to you -- it means that you are emotionally attached to them, too. How have any of you working moms dealt with the sadness of having to work? I haven't even accepted a job yet and already I am feeling the pain of it!!...

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Permalink Reply by Megs on July 24, 2008 at 5:54pm: I can relate to your post quite a bit. Despite not having looked for work as of yet, I do have feelings of sadness thinking of my daughter away with school friends as I wonder what she is doing and whether she is safe (emotionally and physically.) I wonder if we are needing a little more assurance that things will go smooth or whether it is natural to be separated at all until their teens?? I wish I knew the answers! Did your decision to return to work come about because you were ready or were you feeling pressure from outside sources? Perhaps the sadness comes from your need for some freedom or control in your decision making. I have delayed the return to work happily until now (2 1/2 years.) If my daughter went to school though I would feel like o.k time to work.

My daughter is asking to go to school at 2 1/2 and really means it! Have we developed such a strong attachment that she is ready to jump out into the world without me so early? She is not yet aware of the lack of protection that exists when there are 30 kids to one adult. I do not want to have her learn the lesson the hard way. The more I delay the jump though the less she is empowered to make decisions. I want her to have a say, but I am not ready to see her fall just yet.

I can see you would be sad because they are so connected to us it would feel empty without them. My daughter recently asked to sleep in her own bed (yes, independence has arrived all at once!) and I am lonely without her in my arms. I cannot imagine not co-sleeping without her and then not seeing her all day all at once. Ahh, it makes me sad just thinking about it even though her independence and confidence has been one of the main reasons I was an AP parent! Can I let go to allow her to take that next step or will I undo all that I have done to help her out!; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Molly on July 26, 2008 at 8:15am: Megs, thanks for your kind reply. You brought up many interesting things to consider. Since writing my original message in March (the one you responded to) I have been working part-time, and the way I've worked it out is to work only on Tuesdays, Fridays and Saturday mornings. I'm with the kids all the other days of the week. This system seems to be pretty good so far. The older two go to school until 4 pm and then stay with grandparents and/or Daddy until I get home. It turns out that I needed those days out of the house more than I even was aware of needing them! Getting into a separate environment in which I think only about doing my job (and not thinking at all about my children) gives me a break that I find beneficial. Seeing that the kids do fine with grandparents helps me to feel peaceful about it. I hope that if one day, you decide to work outside the home, you also will get some benefit from it.; ▶ Reply to This