Pressure to stay at home?

[Naomi]

Do you feel pressured by social expectations, guilt and discrimination of colleagues or managers, to stay at home or would you say it is your choice, from within? If it is, surley that is giving out signals to employees and society that women do actually value domesticity over progression at work and therefore can we be expected to be treated equally in the workplace as our male counterparts?

[Marta Jespersen]

There is a small part of me which feels guilty leaving my children at home whilst I pursue my education and personal goals but, on the other hand I feel so empowered being able to handle it all! I do, in all honesty, believe that if my husband and I could afford (in the long run) for me to stay home then I would do so very happily. I don't think that it's counterproductive for feminists to feel this way all it signifies is that they, as individuals, feel that family is more important than the almighty $$$. Our society is far too concerned with the monetary value of everything. We must remember that it is the intrinsic value of a person or an object which is important, money is a man-made institution and has no true value. It is your mind and your ability to follow through on your principles and morals. Christine de Pizan wrote that it is one's virtue which makes them superior to another and women are naturally more virtuous (they tend to be more patient etc.) then men. Beuatiful don't you think? So as long as you know that you are a rational being and that you are capable of being morally superior to another they you should know and others should know that you are a good, intelligent and beautiful (interior) woman.

[Summer]

Honestly, it's a damned if you do damned if you don't situation. If you choose to stay home you're reinforcing the stereotype of the woman staying home. If you choose to work outside the home you're reinforcing the stereotype of modern women putting their careers ahead of their children. No matter which you choose there will be someone using you as an example to prove their point.

Personally I have seen pressure from both sides. Pressure to stay home because we are mothers and that is what some expect. Pressure to work because it is expected in today's society to have two working parents. I've gotten more slack about staying home and "wasting" my talent/time/my partner's money.

Can we be expected to be treated equally? I'm surprised you even have to ask. The answer is 100% without a doubt yes. Whether one woman chooses to stay home or work matters nothing. All women deserve to be treated equally as men in the workplace. Period.

[Naomi]

I guess you're right on that level about "damned if you do damned if you don't". The same expectations are not placed on the man. Although they probably would be criticised if they chose to stay at home. However they don't get criticised for working while having children. I suppose there just needs to be a greater culture of acceptance than criticism and blame.

[Emily HW]

I'm a part time SAHM (4 days a week), full time student, and I also have a job (although, I only work it when people call off now that I've started school). And let me tell you, I've received all sorts of criticism and pressures from all sides. But do I give in? No...

I think everyone (men and women alike!) has the balance that works for them. Some want to stay at home, some need to be focused on their careers, and others, like me, need a bit of both to stay sane. :-) And what about men? My friend, Nick, wants to be a SAHD. Granted, he doesn't even have a girlfriend, but he loves children and would love to care for his own some day. Sure, it's not common now, but there a lot more SAHDs now than there were 10 years ago. I do believe that we are still going towards that equality, but the manner in which it is being obtained is shifting as the men are starting to be more comfortable with things that are associated with domesticity.

[Marion]

Actually, with my only child being 14, I feel pressure to work.

But I do what I want. It's my life!

[Kristin]

For me it's not a matter of valuing domesticity over progression but putting it on the same level. Domestic duties are part of everyday life. Either I stay home with my kids or I pay someone else to. In my opinion our society does not place enough emphasis on the value of children and those who care for them. Whether it be the stay at home parent, a nanny/ daycare worker, or teacher. We do not see these position as very high in status. As a feminist, my goal and hope for the world is that no matter what work I choose to do I will be seen as an equal and productive member of society. My staying home does not equate to not providing a purpose to society. My role as a stay at home mother should be seen equal to that of a mother working outside of the home. That's what we need to be striving for. Thus we need to change the messages employers and society receive by starting to send out deliberate counter messages about the importance of domestic work by both women and men.

[Martina Oktivani]

when i decide to quit my job as a kindegarten teacher and stay at home in order to take care of everything...i was feel just fine.. but when i had a reunion invitation from my senior high school friends , i felt nervous cause most of my female friends are working! Suddenly i felt not good enough to be seen since i didn't have any wide experience in a job field. It sounds dull but i can't help it...In the bottom of my heart i do believe we should see everybody equally and not from their working experience...but i can't stop panicking to realize that i only a mom and a wive. Can anybody help me please??? Tkx a lot...

[Betsy Jones]

Right on, Summer! I quit my job a few weeks ago and felt lots of pressure to continue working. As long as I worked at least a few hours a week, I felt valuable to my peers and society. The moment I declared I was "staying at home," so they say, I felt more critically about myself and felt some judgment from female peers, especially women in my family. I think Kristin is right that we should put these things on the same level as Feminists, but it's difficult. I wonder if, because the original Feminist battles were so steeped in gaining the right to work outside the home, the right to choose whatever path one desires gets a bit lost in the original cacophony.