Watch out! Dad might try to make dinner!

[Erin C]

Ok, so we're all intelligent entities here. We know that the portrayal of people in advertising is contrived at best. However, I know it took me quite some time to overcome the expectation that someday I would look like a Victoria's Secret model.

I've noticed, and I know I'm not the only one, that husbands are shown as ignorant, useless people. Pizza companies that deliver are especially bad about this. How do you combat this growing societal urge to label men - including the ones in your life - as Neanderthals?

[Cassandra]

We haven't really had this discussion in our house yet, mostly because Aaron is so so so much better at "the life domestic" than I am. He makes a killer strawberry coconut angel food cake whereas I can't scramble an egg without half the shell. He knows how to get a stain out of anything. And, even though he's had absolutely -no- experience for caring for the infant-toddler set, we both agree that he has more patience for child-rearing (I've had tons of psuedo-experience raising my siblings and I, um, am not a patient person in the slightest). If I had a stable career that could support him, he'd be the one staying at home.

Which brings us to the mass media's (and more specifically, ads') representation of gender roles. Women are, often, cast into one of two dichotomies: 1. the vapid, shallow "slut" who only concentrates on counting calories (see the most recent Subway commercials, ugh!) or 2. the smiling, clean supermom (usually white, definitely upper-class) who chuckles at her incompetent husband when he messes up the kids Dayquil dosage.

In the second context, the men are almost always completely useless, as Erin pointed out. Silly boys, don't you know that the life domestic is the domain of women, who have maternal instinct and knowledge simply flowing out of their ovaries? Just step back and let mom handle the cough syrup, okay?

Lumping people together in an easily recognizable category gets rid of the messy process of introducing new characters and new personalities. People recognize that the dad is dopey and that only mom knows how to use the product, because that's who dads on T.V. are (and in sitcoms, who they've always been).

In the end, five minute news sound bites, two hour movies (I'm looking at you, Knocked Up), and 30-second commercials that count on people to instantly recognize and digest the humorous* tropes of domestically incompetent but lovable male, vapid slutty female, and chiding but maternal (and not at all exhausted!) mother, completely fail to take into account the fact that people are complex and varied. Some men, like my husband, could start a professional house-keeping business. Some women, like me, have no idea what the "delicate" setting on a washing machine means. I would postulate that most first-time parents have no idea how to handle a baby, irrespective of gender.

Is is socially irresponsible to only promote images of men who are completely incompetent (and to a certain extent, irresponsible) in handling their children? Absolutely. Is it easily recognizable and, to a certain extent, comedic*? Sure. And to these companies, that's the important thing. They're selling products, not promoting personal responsibility and competence.

*Not my viewpoint.

[Marta Jespersen]

You ladies are lucky...I jump for joy when my husband picks up the broom and dustpan after supper! The only time he cooks is if he makes hot wings or on a special occassion he'll make breakfast. But, of course as is stereotypical, I'm left to clean up the mess! How can I "train" him? And "un-train" myself?

[Emily HW]

Well, I guess the biggest thing is to not look at it as "training," but as sharing. My view is that in a relationship, you share everything: love, money, and, yes, housework! I think that s9ometimes my husband *wants* to fill that stereotype so that he can get out of cleaning. ;p The thing that has helped us the most in the past was a chores chart. Each person chose half of the chores to do for the week.

However, what has also helped my case the most with him is that he watched Lily while I worked (he was a student at the time) the day out of the week that my (wonderful!) babysitter wasn't available. He realized how much WORK it takes to be with a child, and that, a lot of times, it's almost impossible to get house cleaning done except nap time.

[Marta Jespersen]

The unfortunate thing about my husband is that his mother made his lunches for him and cleaned his bathroom etc, etc. until they had to move out of the house they were renting (he was 23 when that happened) Not to mention that he thinks that I get to nap when the kids do!!! It's something that he learned from his father...and he can't really learn otherwise becuase even on days when I take a few hours out for myself he doesn't have to do all the work seeing as HE decided that his mother would move in with us. I don't like the idea and never did but he still hasn't cut the apron strings but, he doesn't want her to tell him how to do things!!!! Anyways, he's convinced that it really isn't that hard and I really don't need time for myself (he was raised in a very patriarchal house despite the fact that his mother and father divorced when he was five....I don't get it but somehow it worked out that way. His mom always accented that the man is the head of the house) He recognizes that what I do has merit especially since I'm a student but, no matter how many times I ask him--I don't even set deadlines--he still won't do the chores. And if I start doing them he gets up and claims that he was just about to do it. I feel hopeless and I'm sick of argueing about it. HELP ME!!!!

[Marion]

The last positive image I saw of a competent man on a commercial for cleaning supplies, I emailed praise to the company.

[Amy V.]

Hubs isn't here right now, and I am fantasizing about his cooking, which is much better than mine!